How to clear / reset smart battery memory?

So, I got a new battery for my laptop, and right from the get go, I'm having problems. The battery came almost entirely discharged from the manufacturer. I plugged it into my computer and the batter would report that the charge rate is 0, and hence would never reach "fully charged" After a couple minutes and having X11 crash, I'm now at this (upower -i /org/freedesktop/UPower/devices/battery_BAT0): native-path: BAT0 vendor: Hewlett-Packard model: Primary power supply: yes updated: Fri 21 Oct 2016 08:28:33 AM CEST (106 seconds ago) has history: yes has statistics: yes battery present: yes rechargeable: yes state: charging warning-level: none energy: 17.8704 Wh energy-empty: 0 Wh energy-full: 24.192 Wh energy-full-design: 95.04 Wh energy-rate: 0.0996923 W voltage: 15.947 V percentage: 73% capacity: 25.4545% technology: lithium-ion icon-name: 'battery-full-charging-symbolic' So the battery is charging, the energy capacity is only about a quarter of what it was designed (even though the battery is only a couple days old), it sits at 73%, and the charge rate is so small, it doesn't even report how much it'd take till fully charged. Now, I know you can kinda "calibrate" a battery, by charging it for a couple hours, then letting it run flat, and then charge it up again. This doesn't seem to be the right way to do, though. I'm wondering if I can't access the smart data directly, via the SMBus . i2cdetect -l reports: i2c-0 smbus SMBus I801 adapter at 8000 SMBus adapter i2c-1 i2c NVIDIA i2c adapter 0 at 1:00.0 I2C adapter i2c-2 i2c NVIDIA i2c adapter 2 at 1:00.0 I2C adapter i2c-3 i2c NVIDIA i2c adapter 3 at 1:00.0 I2C adapter i2c-4 i2c NVIDIA i2c adapter 5 at 1:00.0 I2C adapter So, I tried probing SMBus (i2cdetect -r 0): WARNING! This program can confuse your I2C bus, cause data loss and worse! I will probe file /dev/i2c-0 using read byte commands. I will probe address range 0x03-0x77. Continue? [Y/n] y 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 a b c d e f 00: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 10: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 20: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 30: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 40: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 50: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 60: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- 70: -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- This is quite strange to me, does that mean there's nothing connected to the bus? No matter which address I'm trying to dump, the result is always the same: i2cdump 0 0x03 (all other valid addresses produce the same output): No size specified (using byte-data access) WARNING! This program can confuse your I2C bus, cause data loss and worse! I will probe file /dev/i2c-0, address 0x1a, mode byte Continue? [Y/n] y 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 a b c d e f 0123456789abcdef 00: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 10: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 20: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 30: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 40: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 50: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 60: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 70: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 80: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX 90: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX a0: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX b0: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX c0: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX d0: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX e0: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX f0: XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XX XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX That's how far I got. The system gets it's battery information from *somewhere*, but I can't figure out how and from where. As for the I²C / SMBus access to the battery: no idea if I'm doing something wrong, or it's impossible like that. I'd like to know how to access smart battery data, how to set it (presumably with i2cset), and possibly how it's formatted (what data encodes which information, etc.) ------- acpi -V is even more confused: Battery 0: Unknown, 73% Battery 0: design capacity 6600 mAh, last full capacity 1680 mAh = 25% Adapter 0: on-line *(design capacity reported incorrectly, etc.)* ------- Last bit of information I can come up with, is dmidecode output: Handle 0x0010, DMI type 39, 22 bytes System Power Supply Location: OEM_Define0 Name: OEM_Define1 Manufacturer: OEM_Define2 Serial Number: OEM_Define2 Asset Tag: OEM_Define3 Model Part Number: OEM_Define4 Revision: OEM_Define5 Max Power Capacity: 75 W Status: Present, OK Type: Regulator Input Voltage Range Switching: Auto-switch Plugged: No Hot Replaceable: No You can see all these "OEM_Define2", etc. strings in there, that aren't telling much. dmidecode -t connector reports: Getting SMBIOS data from sysfs. SMBIOS 2.4 present.